💀 pour oublier ma peine immense

[bonnechance]

It had been a long and hard three years.

Ladybug had run out of fingers with which to count the sticky situations she and Chat Noir had been in because of Hawkmoth. But finally, finally, she and her partner had him dead to rights. As time went on, they had grown desperate, and they'd made mistakes - but nothing they hadn't been able to fix. He'd made mistakes, too, and that was how the two of them had managed to track him down.

Heart pounding, she cast her gaze down at the man that had been their adversary for so long. Hawkmoth stared back at the both of them with a dark glare full of loathing. There were a lot of things she had wanted to ask him when she finally caught up to him, but there was only one question she was actually able to form.

"How could you?" She whispered, her voice ragged. She was breathing heavily - the fight had taken a lot out of her. Out of her partner, and out of their enemy, too; had it gone on much longer, they all might have dropped dead out of exhaustion. "You hurt so many people."

Hawkmoth's eyes glittered, and he pressed his lips together into a thin line. Ladybug felt something roll down her cheek - sweat, she hoped, and not blood or tears, but she'd taken a hit to the temple earlier and she couldn't be certain that it wasn't bleeding (and in fact it was). But she was in better shape than him, at least. He was beaten down, he had lost.

All that remained was to take his Miraculous and make sure that Nooroo's power never, ever fell int the hands of someone like him ever again.

His refusal to answer stirred anger in her where there had once been pity.

"Men. Women. Children. You used them all - and for what? What on earth could have been worth it? I don't understand. Explain yourself, Hawkmoth."

He didn't answer. He looked between the two of them, seething. Ladybug scowled and knelt down in front of him, curled her fingers around his brooch, and yanked it away from his suit.

The magic holding his transformation together fell apart, and Nooroo emerged from the butterfly Miraculous at long last. Ladybug cradled him in the crook of her arm and watched as the facial features of their nemesis became clear.

A well-dressed man, middle-aged. Nobody she recognized. Without his Miraculous, he should have been powerless. Defeated. Done for.

She didn't catch his smirk until it was too late.

His hand darted into the suit jacket that hadn't been there before, and his fingers closed around something she couldn't see. "I'll make you understand," He snarled, and the next thing she knew his hand emerged from the jacket and the crack of a gunshot split the air. "Perhaps now we'll share the same wish."

There was a gun in his hand, Ladybug realized, as a dull roar and the man's twisted, bitter laughter filled her ears. He hadn't aimed at her. She turned toward her partner with dread.

He had aimed at him, and his laughter was not the laughter of a man who had missed his mark.

Comments

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien's heart sank further, and tears came to his eyes. Even if she wasn't telling him, she made it all too clear who it had to be.

He squeezed the front of his shirt, looked down at his arms, at the bruises still discoloring his skin, every breath pulling at his cracked ribs, the pieces of his mind he couldn't categorize, and shivered.

He had fought.

Marinette had fought. These weren't defensive wounds.

We were on the same team.

"Was it me?" he asked, and his voice was very soft, as empty as he could make it.

[bonnechance]

"What?!"

Most likely to his surprise, since he'd already started to think down that path, she shook her head immediately.

"No!"

Her voice was firm, and when she finally did look up, her expression was baffled. Adrien having killed someone was so far from the truth that she'd never even considered he might think that was what had happened, and hopefully, that genuine shock would help to convince him.

"You didn't kill anyone."

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien blinked back tears of heady relief, finding the air to breathe again, though that breath was halting, shivery.

It wasn't that Adrien truly believed himself capable of it. It was that he worried that he was. Slowly, he nodded, getting his breath back as his heart hammered below their hands, slowed as he realized who it had to be.

... his father wouldn't have covered for a superhero. For Adrien, yes... but anyone beyond that, he couldn't imagine...

Unless he'd done it himself.

The second he thought it, the pieces slotted all too neatly into place. The tears welled up, and he couldn't seem to stop them. It wasn't a hot, frantic sort of crying, either. It was quiet, cold.

He whispered, his lips barely moving.

"Dad?"

[bonnechance]

God, she wished she could say that Gabriel hadn't killed anyone with just as much vehemence.

There were a lot of things she didn't want to do. Lying to Adrien was at the top of her list, but admitting what Gabriel had done was a pretty close second - and, in fact, it was currently warring with lying to him for the top spot.

But the tears that streamed down his cheeks knocked both of them down a few pegs, and watch Adrien cry replaced them.

She pulled her hands away from his, but only so that she could reach up and cup his cheeks, so she could try and wipe the tears away. She didn't know how to fix this. She had no idea how to fix this, and Adrien was hurting, and...

Ladybug shook her head, wishing more than anything in the world that she could give him any other answer.

"If he hadn't acted as fast as he had, I don't think any of us would have gotten out of there alive. Your dad saved us."

Her voice was quiet. So quiet, but it still felt loud in the room, and each word was something she could never take back.

[sunsoutpunsout]

Gabriel was cold, calculating, and in pain. He would do anything to keep Adrien safe, and he believed someone was an immediate or future threat, he didn't have any doubt that Gabriel would remove it if he saw a chance to do so.

Ladybug's words changed the narrative, changed it from hurt and sickness to hot, sticky guilt.

It was a horrible thing to kill someone. But to do it to protect them...

Adrien tried to blink away the tears, but it wasn't helping. They just kept coming. He lifted one hand, trying to wipe his eyes, too clumsy to do it with any effectiveness. Instead he leaned forward, despite the screaming in his ribs, leaned into her and shut his eyes.

[bonnechance]

She didn't even consider pulling away from him.

Instead, when he leaned into her, she shifted a little to make it easier for him to settle himself, wrapped his arms around him gently, and shut her eyes as she held him close, held him through it, and wished that they could change what had happened.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Her own eyes weren't dry, but her tears were the last thing he needed to see right now, and she could only hope he couldn't hear them in her voice. "I'm really, really sorry, Adrien."

For being the one to have to tell him this. For making things worse than they'd been. For screwing up so badly in the first place that any of this had been necessary.

[sunsoutpunsout]

It was a lot. It was everything. Everything, all at once, pressing down on him and hurting, both on the surface and below.

He was angry, frustrated, helpless, guilty, afraid, sad, and hopelessly confused. But Ladybug was safe, and as much as he didn't want to break down in front of her, he genuinely needed to cry it out.

Every breath hurt, but it felt like a catharsis, a release, almost a cleansing, even if it burned.

It was some time before he caught his breath. Before he could shiver off the aching hurt, draw a full breath.

[bonnechance]

Ladybug let him cry it out.

She kept her arms around him, but she did bring her hand up to run it gently through his hair, to try and ease him through the pain. She hadn't been able to keep him from getting hurt, but... she could be here for him now.

She would support him. If he wanted to talk, she would listen. If he needed to cry, she would hold him through it and help dry his tears when he was done.

When he finally drew a breath, she opened her eyes, glanced worriedly at his face, and kept him close. She didn't speak, not yet, but...

She was here, if he needed her. She always would be.

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien felt stupid for crying, but he'd needed to. He understood that now. Every breath ached powerfully, but he did feel more calm, more clear than he had since he'd first woken up.

... she smelled... familiar.

It was in a way that made him his heart swim, his chest ache, a spark of confusion welling up.

He made himself let go, made himself wipe at his eyes and look at her face, really look.

[bonnechance]

He let go, and her heart sank.

...did he want his space, then? Slowly, she drew her hand out of his hair, let her arms fall from around him, and settled them in her lap, glancing down at them. But she felt his eyes on her, and after a few long moments, she raised her gaze to his.

Her face was pale, drawn, and worn-down with worry, but that was normal enough, in a situation like this. Her eyes were wet, made a more vibrant blue by the red in the mask around them, the red in her eyes that had come from crying. Time had lightened the worst of her bruises, and her mask and the way her hair fell served to cover the worst of them.

Ladybug bit her lip, unsure of what Adrien was looking for, and even more unsure of what to say to him.

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien was flushed, bruised, still hurt, and far from the prettiest crier around. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, his cheeks and nose flushed, but he looked at her like if he focused hard enough, he could see something more.

He reached out, brushed her hair away from her face, searching for something, not knowing what he'd find. What there was to find.

"... it's not your fault," he said, finally, running his thumb over her cheek.

[bonnechance]

The way he brushed her hair away from her face, the way his fingers brushed against her cheek as he did so, made her shiver, and she dropped her gaze because his was piercing and it felt like if he kept looking, he'd be able to read her mind.

Ladybug was so many different levels of not ready for him to know everything she was thinking.

"It feels like it is," she mumbled. "It was supposed to be my job to outsmart him, to come up with a plan to bring us all home safe. And I didn't. And you got hurt, and..."

It was all such a mess.

[sunsoutpunsout]

"It's not," he assured her again, soft and sure, his eyes very green, standing out all the more due to the tears.

"I'm hurt, but I'm here," he assured her, leaning in closer, then pausing, breaking eye contact. He wanted nothing more than to be closer to her, but how could he?

"... I'm alive."

He smiled, just a tiny bit.

"We can work on the rest."

[bonnechance]

He was alive.

Adrien's body was warm against hers as he leaned in, solid, and with a sigh, she brought her arms back around him. She was careful not to hold him too tightly in case it hurt or in case he wanted to back away, but...

"A little at a time," she mumbled. "We'll figure it out day by day."

[sunsoutpunsout]

Ladybug pressed against him, draped her arms around him, and his heart fluttered, stuttering a moment before he closed his arms around her waist to hold her.

This wasn't how she'd hold a civilian. Someone she'd saved.

He breathed her in, and his eyes drifted shut.

It was familiar. Familiar, not just in memories, but in something more. He just couldn't place it, but with his eyes closed, everything fit.

"Does that mean you'll come back?"

[bonnechance]

"I'll come back."

Ladybug said the words with the tone of a solemn promise, because to her, that's what they were. This was serious. Maybe the most serious promise she would ever make.

"As long as you want me to be here, I'll be here."

She didn't realize until after she'd spoken that the phrasing was very similar to what she'd said to him as Marinette, but once the words were out, there was no taking them back.

[sunsoutpunsout]

The breath in Adrien's chest stilled, aching.

I'll be here. As long as you want me to be here, I'll stay.

Things began to click, to fall into place, like change in a sorting machine.

As long as you want me to be here.

Adrien's heart skipped a beat, and the air moved inside his lungs, a soft wheeze of a gasp, and his hands stilled on her, holding her close.

Oh, god.

The look on her face, when he remembered Ladybug...

"... you never left," he whispered, "Did you?"

[bonnechance]

Ladybug went utterly still, and Adrien would feel her go tense and rigid under his touch, her breath catching.

He suspected.

He suspected it was her now, was right about her not having left, but she couldn't admit it. Couldn't even begin to contemplate admitting it, after three years of her identity being her most closely guarded secret.

"I-"

Her voice was tiny, and she almost didn't hear it above the pounding of her heart.

"Th-.. that is..."

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien's heart dipped, fluttered, caught in his throat. He wasn't sure, but at the same time, he was. He had to know. She hadn't said no. And the look on her face...

Maybe he was just brain damaged. Maybe he was just hoping.

But he had to know.

"Marinette?"

[bonnechance]

No.

No, no, no. She hadn't wanted this. He suspected, and she knew he was right, but she hadn't wanted him to find out like this. He loved Ladybug.

She didn't want him to love Marinette because she was Ladybug - she wanted him to love her because she was herself. If she admitted it now, she'd never know if that was the case. But if she didn't admit it now, she'd be lying.

She didn't want to lie to him.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she sat there, frozen, choked up, unable to speak or even to nod or shake her head.

[sunsoutpunsout]

... ah.

Ladybug's eyes filled with tears, and he didn't know what he'd done. Those were clearly not happy tears, not excited ones. Had it gotten it wrong? Was he not supposed to know? What was wrong?

"I-" he stammered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Forget that I said anything. I won't say it again, please don't be upset-"

All he was doing was upsetting her.

[bonnechance]

He wouldn't say it again.

Even if he didn't... even if he didn't, he'd already said it once. He was thinking it. She'd heard it, wouldn't be able to forget this conversation, would constantly be second-guessing why he wanted her around as Marinette, and she hated it.

Three years had not been enough to build up her confidence to the point where she would be okay with this. She wished that it had, but it wasn't.

"Whether you say it again or not, that won't change anything."

Slowly, she brought up her hands to press the heels of her palms into her eyes, trying to stop the tears. It didn't work.

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien, on the other hand, didn't see the problem. Not yet. Maybe with more context, he'd understand, but for now he was horribly confused and regretful of having said anything at all.

He wasn't sure if it meant he was wrong, or... or what. But it wasn't good.

All he could do was wrap his arms around her, ignore the pain in his ribs to hold her tightly.

"I'm sorry..."

[bonnechance]

His apology made her flinch, and she didn't quite relax into his hold. Not at first. Instead, she shook her head, slowly drew her hands down from her eyes and rested them lightly on his shoulders.

"You don't need to apologize," she whispered. "You don't-"

Her head spun. What were they doing? She was supposed to be here supporting him, and instead she was getting upset, upsetting him in turn, making everything worse.

[sunsoutpunsout]

Adrien relaxed his hold, still in low-grade panic, unable to tell if he was upsetting her more, or comforting her. Heart pounding, he kept his arms around her, but made it easy to pull away.

He just didn't understand. He didn't understand anything that was going on, and he'd gone and put his foot in it.

He thought back to Marinette's explanation of who he liked, the sadness in her voice when she said it, how he'd withdrawn from her immediately after, and his heart sank.

Adrien had had his reasons, but... how must this feel, for her?

"... I don't remember anything," he said softly. "But I know how I feel. I know who I trust. I know who I'm safe with."

He swallowed, hard.

"You were here when I woke up."